The Messy Girl’s Guide to Tidying Up
7 tips to unleash your inner Tidy Girl
I have always been a messy person. I didn’t get the nickname Messy Jessi as a kid just because it rhymed.
I shared a room with my older sister until I was 10. Our room always had 2 distinct zones of her first-child-tidy and my second-child-chaos. She would clean her side and simply push all of my stuff over, building an makeshift wall of junk. But it never bothered me.
I knew and could tell you exactly where every item was in the pile. A skill I still possess.
The messiness I also still possess. And as I’ve gotten older it’s started to get on my own nerves.
I tried all the typical solutions I could get my hands on. The cleaning checklists, chore charts, workbooks, organization tools, closet hack, bins and boxes, joy assessments, all of it. I’ve tried all of it. And I am sure you’ll be shocked to know none of it stuck.
Because I am not a naturally tidy person. And all of those tools were trying to make me something I wasn’t.
When I started working from home in March 2020, I became hyperaware of this messiness. Being in my house all day every day made me suddenly want to throw away everything I owned or buy a bigger house so I could shove it all away closets.
I needed the energy in my spaces to feel more welcoming and foster more positive and creative feelings. So I approached it in the same way I’ve approached almost all personal development the last 4 years… I started asking myself what would work better for me.
I started small and built from there. And I did it in a way that I knew I could stick to long term.
Don’t be fooled, I am still generally messy. But overall, I have better cleaning schedules, skills and tools that allow me to move further down the road closer to being a Tidy Girl.
Here are my 7 tips to unleash your inner Tidy Girl
Trust Yourself - Burnout happens when we try to force ourselves to be someone we aren’t. When trying to change a habit or behavior our tendency is to look outside of ourselves. When it comes to cleaning this probably looks like Pinterest searches or books on organizing. Which is a great place to start but chances are they won’t last for you long term. Because they aren’t designed around you. They don’t know that you hate doing dishes every night. Or that the pile of stuff on your kitchen table can stay there for months before you care to tackle it. If you see yourself as a Messy Girl I can pretty much guarantee a weekly cleaning list will do nothing but ensure you clean less than you naturally would. If you want long term change around this, or any, habit your first step needs to be honest self evaluation. Trust that a tidier version of you already exists and let her lead the way. Even if… no ESPECIALLY IF she’s telling you to tackle this in a way that you’ve never hear any one else do. No shame. No guilt. No shoulds. If you want to do dishes once a week, do that. If you only want to clean your kitchen table twice a year, do that! Trust yourself to know what’s best for you.
Organize, but Be Realistic- My biggest problem with cleaning up is when something doesn’t have a home to go. I hate doing dishes because stacking and packing them back into their correct locations in the kitchen makes me want to scream. I procrastinate laundry because I like pieces folded or hung in specific ways. Recognize these things in your process and shift them to where cleaning up is simpler for your mind to get behind. But do this in a way that will realistically work for you long term. You can buy all the organization tools but unless it’s something you can utilize simply and efficiently you likely won’t stick with it. Next time you start a task you normally put off, ask yourself what about that task you don’t like or why you always procrastinate it. Then ask yourself what’s the simplest fix for it. Maybe you hate folding clothes. Is there a way to hang more items? Does everything actually need folded or can be tossed in a drawer? Release all the “well this is how it’s supposed to be done” and let yourself do it how you want.
Play Musical Chairs, with EVERYTHING - Never underestimate the power of moving that stack of books from one shelf to another location altogether. Messy people tend to be ok with STUFF all over. Which is fine. Until it’s not. When you need a change, try shifting things around just a little. Maybe move the furniture. If you can’t do that try switching up your decorations. I’ve been known to simply take pictures off the wall and hang them in a different room when I need a change. This simple act can often trigger our minds to notice other things about the room that could easily be organized, changed, or moved. Start small with the intention to ride that momentum. Move some throw pillows around, keep your coffee maker in a different spot, or use some baskets in a new room to hide clutter. Move three for four things around and see what grows from there.
Find Your Cleaning Style & Work it Like a Job - Chances are your cleaning style fits into one of two categories; All or Nothing. If you’re an All cleaner, you like to get it all done at once. Even if it takes you an entire weekend, you’d rather dive in and focus only on the one goal. Ignoring all other adultly duties. If this is you, simply plan accordingly. If you prefer to clean this way, you’ll need to block out larger windows of time and make a list to stay on task. Organize the order in which you want to work and stick to it as much as possible. If you’re a Nothing cleaner, the idea of cleaning an entire room at one time paralyses you, usually resulting in inaction. If this is you, break the tasks down to be painfully simple steps. Make each task it’s own stop in your cleaning process. And make it as simple as possible. If the sink full of dirty dishes is overwhelming, on Mondays just wash the cups, Tuesday the silverware, Wednesday the plates… When you’ve done one simple task, you have full permission to move on and be done cleaning until your next scheduled cleaning time. But you can also ride the wave of momentum that will inevitably build and keep cleaning!
If it Doesn’t Bring You Joy, Change It! - As Marie Kondo has taught us, if it doesn’t bring us joy, we need to express our gratitude and let the item go. Or at least to some extent. The Costco supply of paper towels on the top of my fridge doesn’t bring me joy. In fact, it infuriates me but we have no better place to store it. Every few weeks, when looking at that paper towel mountain starts to grate my nerves, I move it. This is YOUR home. If you don’t like something, change it. Not in a drastic way. Take the item, ask yourself what about it bothers you. Then ask yourself how you can change it with what you have in that moment. Maybe it’s as simple as clearing a spot for it in a cabinet or making the display prettier, there is a solution for everything that will allow you to spend less energy on hating how something looks in your home. This sounds simple, but I can bet you aren’t doing it yet. You walk by that pile of shoes every day and mumble profanities but never consider finding a solution. Maybe a decorative basket for each human they can drop their shoes in, right by the door to raise the chances it actually happens? Next time your whispering the those naughty little words at something in your house, catch yourself and find the simplest way to change it.
Toss it or Store it: You Must Choose One - We all have clutter. Things we know we don’t really need but for whatever reason we can’t bring ourselves to get rid of it. If you haven’t gathered by now, my forever answer to everything is to work with yourself not against yourself. If cleaning or purging is usually you spending hours trying to convince yourself to get rid of something, then you need to reevaluate. Sure you can eventually get rid of stuff this way. But it’s so unnecessarily emotionally draining. Spending hours telling yourself “get rid of it, just get rid of it, why can’t you just get rid of it! What’s wrong with you??” Does the exact opposite of what we want. Cleaning should feel good and empowering and freeing and expansive. Not like punishment or like you’re getting in trouble all day long. Give yourself permission to keep stuff, but store it. I have boxes of stuff stacked in a closet. Stuff I know I SHOULD get rid of but that I wasn’t emotionally ready to actually release yet. So I boxed them up nicely, stacked them in a closet, and I’ll try again in a few months. What this does is make the cleaning process quicker and less traumatizing. It gives you the opportunity to pull something back out if you decide you do need or want it. But most importantly it will likely show you, that you are actually ready to part with it. The longer it sits in a box stored somewhere, without being thought of for months, the easier it is for your mind to accept it is safe to get rid of it.
Change Your Language - Need, should, have to, don’t like, can’t. I know this idea has become a little over used and, quite frankly, annoying. But it’s worth mentioning because it is so vitally important. The more we tell ourselves we hate cleaning, or we’re bad organizing, or we have a hard time purging the more we will hate cleaning and be bad at organizing and have a hard time purging. It’s literal science. Our minds and bodies believe what we repeatedly tell them. I know that moving from negative talk to positive talk can be tough. It feels so foreign, especially if historically we have, in fact, hated cleaning. I suggest moving to neutral talk. Or no talk at all. When you see the pile of laundry, instead of thinking you need to put it away think: that is a pile of laundry. Or shift your mind back to why you came into the room to begin with and do not acknowledge the laundry until you can see it more positively. Yes. I can feel your eyes rolling at me right now. But trust me. This will make a difference. And no, you will not ignore the pile of laundry forever. I PROMISE you. There will be a time when you will WANT to put that laundry. And then you will and it’ll feel great! Instead of draining.
There you go!
I hope these tips help you make the changes and see the results you’ve always been trying towards.
Leave a comment below and let me know which one’s worked for you or share your own Messy Girl tips!
Love you big,
Jessi
